Tuesday, November 27, 2007

People in grass houses...

...shouldn't stow thrones.

Heart attacks are nature's way of disposing of superfluous troublesome males. This highly politically inkorect revelation came to me as a result of reading an article about red deer. Apparently they have heart attacks too. Usually it is the fate of previously dominant males who have been dethroned by a younger, stronger rival. Such individuals have outlived their usefulness to the herd and have become a nuisance and a danger to its survival. So nature does what nature does. In terms of evolution it shouldn't be too hard to sketch scenarios to explain why groups with this disposal mechanism could win battles against those without it. Killing off old rogues gives the group an evolutionary edge.

So, my best beloved, if this is true, you will doubtless want to huddle round and learn how not to become superfluous old rogues. Sod the group, I want to live! I hear you say.

In the article, which must be over twenty years old at least, the precipitating factor most commonly observed in red deer deaths by heart attack was sudden loss of territory - and the concomitant loss of control over females. Parallel situations in human society can take many forms, and territory can have many guises. An orchestral conductor has his patch, and can tell the pretty Korean cellist when to come in, while a bus conductor has his and can tell people where to get off. Some territories are unique and unassailable, while others change hands faster than boxing trophies. Humans have evolved so many ways of carving out patches that it is sometimes hard to recognize that a patch exists at all. Academic specialities multiply and subdivide, allowing some old professors a long, golden retirement, with the occasional Christmas card from former female students. New records keep being added to the Guinness book, creating new fields for excellence. With each new field, there is room for a new top dog, and groupies to cheer him on. And then along came the Internet, with its domains, personal pages, blogspots and an endless supply of virtual terrain just going begging.

So have we averted the risk?

In order not to be kicked off a throne, a good plan might be to avoid sitting on one. At the heart of any territory is that old human need: recognition. It is what drives those heart attack prone over-achievers. If we could live without that, could we avoid heart attacks?

Or if we could learn to content ourselves with recognition from our dog, could we live to see better times? What happens when the dog dies?

Now that is a question which has stumped humanity for a long time.